On cliched blunders, pants that stretch out like football games, and clothing avalanches
Grammar | June 29, 2010
This morning, my Facebook news feed (because that’s how we all obtain information these days, right?) linked me to this gem of a piece of writing:
Why yes, I do list Make It or Break It as a TV show I like and, therefore, do get updates from them. No, I haven’t seen the season premiere, but yes, I do plan on watching it as soon as humanly possible. And yes, I love bad TV shows. That’s not the point.
Let’s play a game of Guess the Grammatical Error, shall we?
Here are the answers:
This isn’t really grammatical, but that first sentence can be reduced to half its current length. “Lauren looks fit and fabulous in this black and turquoise tracksuit number” means the same thing. Plus, you’ve got alliteration going on with “fit and fabulous.”
- “Just because your hitting or leaving the gym”
Just no. No, no, no, no, no, no, NO. What a trite mistake.
- “The most flattering cut for workout pants are”
I’m going to give the author much more leeway than he/she deserves and pretend “cut” is a typo.
- “workout pants stretch out overtime”
Like sports games, right? No. Pants stretch out over time. People get old over time. People work overtime, and basketball and football games run into overtime.
In the same vein: Grammatical errors are an everyday occurrence. We make grammatical errors every day. There’s a difference. “Everyday” is usually an adjective.
- “you don’t want to be worrying about your pants falling on during your workout”
Oh, I see. Nobody worries about their pants falling off. They only worry about their pants falling on. Because clothes are super heavy and it’s the end of the world if an article of clothing happens to fall on a person. Also, if people are so worried about their pants falling on them when they work out, does that mean they don’t wear pants in the first place?! Not a sight I want to see.
I am not a normal person
General | June 27, 2010
A quick Google search, in addition to previous knowledge, tells me that some of the most common phobias include: spiders, insects, snakes, enclosed spaces, thunderstorms, driving, flying, needles, and heights.
Here’s what I have to say about things other people are afraid of:
- Spiders are not scary. I just crushed a tiny one that was crawling up my hand.
- I will gladly allow ants, cockroaches, centipedes, etc. to get acquainted with the bottom of my shoe. C’mon, I’m not going to let something that’s a gazillionth of my size defeat me.
- Snakes? I mean, I’m not going to get up close and cuddly with one, but I’m not going to scream and run away. That probably isn’t the best strategy to follow anyway if you encounter a rattlesnake…
- I’ve never been claustrophobic; perhaps it’s because I don’t have any siblings and thus have never been shut in a box, cabinet, or fridge by anyone. Whatever the cause, I actually welcome close and cozy spaces.
- I love thunderstorms and think they’re the only acceptable cause for rain. If you’re going to do something, go all out, right? Mother Nature should follow that rule. None of that wimpy drizzly rain. Okay, maybe I should be more careful about what I say — floods are not okay. But thunderstorms are lovely. When they’re not that dangerous. (Look at me backtracking like a politician.)
- I don’t actually know anyone who’s scared of driving. I love driving and would totally cruise around in my car all the time if the environment wouldn’t suffer the consequences.
- I don’t like flying anymore because of that one time I had to spend the entire day at two different airports because of delays, and I dislike the smell on airplanes, but I’m not afraid. Turbulence is actually kinda fun.
- When I get blood drawn, I watch the needle go in.
- One time, I saw a PostSecret that went along the lines of “I’m not so much afraid of heights as I am of getting the urge to jump.” No worries, I don’t plan on ending my life, but I’m just a thrill seeker who does rash things at times. (You know that game in elementary school where you stand on the landing and see which monkey bar you can jump to? I was playing that game the summer after third grade, this kid dared me to jump to the sixth bar, I did, and then I landed on my back on the mulch and hit my head. Maybe that’s the reason I’m so abnormal, heh.) Point is, I’m not afraid of heights.
If that isn’t enough to make you wonder which other planet I fell off of, I’ll tell you about my phobias. In fact, the incident that inspired this entry happened two nights ago around midnight and involved me screaming and flailing and running away from an orange. I know what you’re thinking right about now, but I’m not that weird. It was a moldy orange that I unwittingly grabbed out of the back of the fridge. It was soft and there was white fuzzy stuff growing on it and I swear my hands itched for half an hour afterward. Even after I scrubbed them for an eternity.
Not only am I afraid of mold, but fuzzy white things in general terrify me. When I was little, I cried when I saw cotton fake snow on Christmas displays. No joke. I’ve since gotten over that, but I go to school in Illinois where apparently “cotton” trees abound, and they get all over the grass and concrete and alskdadlsjkfajksljafkls. I think I’ve even deluded myself into believing I’m actually allergic to them.
My other weird fears? Holes and sometimes clusters without holes. Except I’m not as afraid of clusters as my friend — she can’t even look at poppyseed bagels or used dartboards. Disembodied hands. Just look at this and tell me it’s not scary. Vomit (though college is lessening this phobia). If you ever vomit in my presence, I will hunt you down and empty the contents of my stomach onto your face. I don’t know what I’m going to do when I have babies. Probably accidentally drown them in sympathetic vomit.
I know rampant judgment is passing through your head. It’s okay. I’m judging you too.
I am smarter than Apple
Internet | June 26, 2010
Remember back when the iOS 3.0 software came out and how iPod Touch users needed to shell out $9.99 for something that barely looked any different? Well, now iOS 4.0 is out for free.
Months of not being able to download any useful applications because they all required the 3.0 update have finally paid off. Now I finally understand why my friends are so obsessed with Tap Tap. Better late than never. This basically means that I’m smarter than the entire Apple company. Or that cheapness is an admirable lifestyle. It’s a hard decision, but I prefer the former.
ETA: Also, speaking of cheap, I’m currently sitting on the stairs in the basement. Because that’s the only place in the entire house with a temperature below a thousand eight hundred forty-six degrees. Because my Asian (believe me, this is relevant — not to perpetuate stereotypes, except that’s exactly what I’m doing) family is too cheap to turn on the air conditioning. That’s how we roll.